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This isn’t my usual tech or career content. If that’s what you’re here for, totally fine to skip this one. No judgment.
For Pride month, though, I wanted to say something. Silence around a topic doesn’t mean it’s uncommon. It might just mean nobody’s said it out loud yet. And if being visible helps even one person feel a little less alone in their own journey, that’s enough reason for me to share.
I’m married to a wonderful man. I’m also divorced from a woman.
I remember exactly where I was when Edith Windsor won her case against the US government in 2013, United States v. Windsor, ending the federal government’s refusal to recognize same-sex marriages. That was the day my then-partner and I decided to get married. It didn’t work out. People change, and sometimes they grow apart instead of closer.
A few times in my life, I’ve used a label that was easier to explain. Eventually I realized none of them quite fit, mostly because I was still working through the societal conditioning that told me I needed to pick a lane. So I stopped explaining and just did whatever felt right.
That was freeing. Not that it stopped other people from trying to figure me out.
People love to put things in boxes they understand. Straight? Got it. Gay? Got it. Something else? Suddenly everyone’s confused. I’ve watched people go through the mental gymnastics trying to figure out where I belong.
I’ve dated people of all genders. Humans are humans. In my opinion, if there’s mutual attraction, it’s consensual, and everyone involved is a legal adult, life is too short to care beyond that.
Much of my confusion earlier in life came from all of that pressure to conform. Once I let go of needing a label that fit neatly, things got a lot simpler for me.
If this comes up in conversation, I don’t hide it. I’m also not looking to lead with it. It shapes how I move through the world, but it’s one piece of a much bigger picture.
So for Pride month, I wanted to be visible. Not loud about it, just present. Because sometimes just knowing someone else has been there is enough.
If you’re somewhere on a similar journey and still figuring things out, I hope you can get to a place where it just is what it is. Either way, my DMs are open if you want to talk.